The Wedding Party: Roles and responsibilities
Wondering how to determine the number of attendants and who they will be? Before asking everyone you know, consider the size of the overall wedding, its location and your budget. Remember, the greater the number of attendants, the more bouquets, boutonnieres and gifts you'll need to buy.
The following is a detailed list of the wedding party members and their duties.
Brides usually choose a maid or matron of honor to whom they feel close, generally a sister or best friend. If you're having a large wedding, you may want both ?| a married sister for the matron, and an unmarried sister or friend for the maid of honor.
Your maid or matron of honor is indispensable and a big help throughout your planning and ceremony. Her customary duties include the following:
- Helps the bride with lots of details, such as addressing envelopes, making favors and helping with the shopping.
- Pays for her own wedding attire.
- Alone, or with bridesmaids, has a shower for the bride (optional).
- Helps organize the bridesmaids with their fittings and on the wedding day.
- Keeps the groom's ring until the appropriate time in the ceremony, when she exchanges it for the bride's bouquet.
- Assists the bride in dressing before the ceremony and at the reception before the bride leaves.
- Signs the wedding certificate as a legal witness.
- Assists the bride with the train and veil at the altar.
- Is a member of the receiving line and is seated in a place of honor at the reception.
There are no definite rules on the number of bridesmaids you should have. However, 12 is customarily the limit and most do not have more than eight. For a simple wedding, you should have fewer.
You may choose an even or uneven number. With three or less, the bridesmaids walk single file down the aisle and precede the maid of honor. With an even number of four or more, you may want them to walk in pairs. If the bridesmaids outnumber the ushers in the recessional, the extras can pair up or walk alone. Most brides try to keep the same number of bridesmaids and ushers because it makes for symmetry at the altar and in the pictures.
Bridesmaids are usually close friends or sisters of the bride or groom. Traditional duties include:
- May be helpful with the pre-wedding errands and tasks.
- Purchase their own wedding attire.
- Alone or together, may host a shower for the bride and attend all pre-wedding parties.
- Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
- Sometimes participate in the receiving line.
The groom usually chooses his brother, a close relative or best friend; however, it can be the groom's father or son in the case of a second marriage. The best man not only offers moral support but is the groom's right-hand man in organizing activities and handling important duties.
- Pays for his own wedding attire.
- Transports the groom to the church and helps him dress.
- Supervises the ushers' fittings and organizes them on the wedding day.
- Keeps the bride's wedding ring until the appropriate time during the ceremony.
- Delivers the officiant's fee before or after the ceremony.
- Signs the wedding certificate as a witness.
- Makes the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception.
- Dances with the bride.
- Sees that the suitcases are loaded into the honeymoon car, and that the groom has his plane tickets, itinerary and travelers' checks.
- Takes the groom's wedding attire to the cleaners or rental shop.
Like the bridesmaids, there is no definite number of ushers. A guide to follow is one usher for every 50 guests. Generally, the size of the wedding determines the number. For example, you wouldn't want 10 ushers with only 50 guests.
It is not necessary to have the same number of ushers as bridesmaids; however, it is better balanced if they are close in number. The ushers walk down the aisle in the processional singly, if less than four, and may be paired with four or more if you like.
The ushers or groomsmen are usually brothers, relatives or close friends of the bride or groom. Their duties include the following:
- Pay for their wedding attire.
- Arrive at the church one hour before the ceremony to seat the early guests.
- Seat people with pew cards in the reserved or special section.
- Distribute wedding service programs, if any.
- Seat the bride's guests, usually on the left, and the groom's on the right. (In the Orthodox Jewish wedding the sides are reversed.)
- Direct the placement of wedding gifts.
- Seat the groom's parents in the right front pew and then the bride's mother in the left front row. She is the last person seated before the processional begins.
- Unroll the aisle runner, then take their places.
- Escort the bridesmaids out of the church after the recessional.
You may have one or two flower girls. They should be about the same size. Usually the range in age is from about 4 to 8. Tiny tots, although cute, are too young to understand what's going on and may be distracting.
A flower girl may carry a basket of rose petals that she scatters down the aisle, or a small bouquet. If rose petals are prohibited in your church, she may carry baby roses to pass out as she walks down the aisle.
It is not necessary to have either a ring bearer or train bearer. However, if you do know one or two boys about 4 or 5, you may want them to take part. The ring bearer or train bearer may also be a little girl. If so, she should be dressed the same as the flower girl. The duties are minimal, but the children look adorable and add a special touch.
- The ring bearer carries the ring or rings tied by a ribbon on a satin or lacy pillow.
- The ring bearer may walk alone or with the flower girl, but precedes the bride.
- The train bearer carries the bridal gown train, following the bride down the aisle.
